So many things has happened over these past months.. n just realised that i haven been updating for some time.

Shaylene is now nearly 7 months old, she is getting better and better each day and has started on solids. Catching her timing better now but sometimes she still refuses milk.. it must be tian shi di li ren he for her to finish milk at one go. I won't grumble cos i know she was much better than before. She had her first fever on 4th Aug 2011. It was a tormentous night as she couldnt sleep and goes to say : ah ber n i didnt sleep as well. she wakes up every 15 mins/ half an hour and it was only after i gave her panadol ( unsure if i could give but just gave her cos she was hitting 38 deg) then she slept for about 2 hrs straight. I went to work like a zombie and took half day to go home and catch some slp.

Shayna is learning to recite stories now and is very good at it. she can finish a short story at one go and we are very impressed. She loves music and reading now which is good.. and is very expressive but she is very demanding.. I want means i want and if u dun give her, she will throw her tantrums. She is doing ok in sch and her sch holidays is going to start 3SEP.. time just flies and she is already 3 quarters through her prenursery.

10th July 2011 - i lost my dearest mum after her 3 years fight with cancer. I didnt get to see her before her last breath but visited her in the afternoon that day. When death came, it was hard to accept but i know she is happier now, no more pain and suffering, as free as a bird. the wake was held till 14th July.. The last journey was the toughest.. as i know i am not going to see her in person anymore, what will be left is just ashes.. i cried uncontrollably - my mum is still so young though she is lucky to be a grandmother of 4 but she doesnt have the fu qi to watch them grow up.. I am getting better now, accepting her death as a reality and looking forward making sure my dad is doing ok. She had been a wonderful mum, being there for the family and working hard for the family.. its all about family and never herself. my greatest regret was not being able to bring her overseas but i hope she understands. Mummy - u are my dearest and will always be missed.

Work wise there are many changes too.. the mooment i went back to office, one of my staff tendered her resignation.. it was end apr.. so subsequently we had interviews and finally manage to recruit one who joins us end of Jun. when i came back after my mum's funeral to office, my other staff told me he has a job offer but is still interested in the position which is going to be open in Nov.. then my boss started a whirlwind of communciations.. trying to get him the position so that he would stay with us ( losing someone internally is better than externally is always his policy) i was pissed though, because i felt he used this method in order to get him the position that is still an uncertain..but now that things have been finalised.. and he is moving to nov.. i am starting to recruit again.. the team i have build up 3 yrs ago is now gone and i have to rebuild the team again. i hope i can find an ideal person who would stay in the position for long.. if only there is then retraining wouldnt be so tough.. and time constraint.

In a whirlwind, shaylene was born on 18th Jan 2011 and weighs 3.195kg. She was an overdue bb.. haha.. my gynae was saying the day i visited her in her clinic.

Less than 4 hrs later after visiting her, i gave birth le. It was a short and sweet delivery, which was good for me. Ah ber was beside me all the while and i knew he cried when he saw me trying to push. He was so xin tong that i have to go thru this and told me he doesn't want me to go thru it again. lol.. I just feel that its all worthwhile, to give life to a little one.

Having second time experience, i took it easy to breastfeeding this time round. So, i gave Formula milk the first few days till my milk supply came. Shaylene is not a patient latcher.. haha.. so in the end, i decided to just pump and let her latch whenever she is not sleepy and after her full feed. I started my malay massage the next day i came home, the effect was great.. felt so toned up now though now is day 5 and my tummy has reduced visibly except for the stretched skin. I will have to do something abt that. really flabby stretched skin.. haiz.. my engorgement lasted a day or so, ah ber helped else i tink i will end up having blocked ducts.. haha..With the constant massage and pumping, my milk flow established - m totally breastfeeding her now thru bottle. I plan to give some to shayna.. haha.. wonder if she will be able to accept. lol.

Regarding attention division, shayna has been such a sensible girl after the birth of shaylene, though sometimes we are afraid that she will hurt mei mei unknowingly cos she will not know the strength to exert. We have to constantly tell her to speak softer, be more gentle when she sayang mei mei, and keep and eye on her. she has been really sweet but very cheeky sometimes.kept saying i want this i want that, threw some tantrum, doesnt wanna sleep.. etc.. ah ber was tired looking after her and having to do assignments that night and he closed her up in the storeroom for a while because its past 10 and she is throwing tantrum, trying to disrupt my feed.

I was trying to feed shaylene thru direct breastfeeding.. when shayna came back to the room, she told me - shayna is naughty so daddy put her in the storeroom.. then she say she cannot be naughty.. both of us just cried..cos i felt that if there were no shaylene.. would we treat shayna this way? Guess its the tiredness and her activeness (she kept chattering, walk here and there, play her toys) that put strain on both of us trying to juggle between the 2 kids.

The next day morning, she seems to have awoken to her senses. We try to talk to her nicely and make her understand why we do this and that. She will repeat as though she understands. Ah ber and i made a pact, to give shayna more attention when she is home now that we have the confinement lady around to help look after shaylene. after that, we just have to learn to juggle btw looking after shaylene and accompanying shayna.

Sometimes having one child probably is good as attention is not divided.. but again, it could be a strain on the child when we grow old.. pros and cons. We would want to love both children the same, without biasness.. something we have to learn thru parenthood.

on monaday, ah ber fell really sick, running a temp of close to 40 degrees and soon developed a bad throat, with ulcers on the sides of it, his temp didnt came down after medication and on tues, he was still feverish.

Shayna slept with me on monday and tuesday nite as ah ber is not feeling too well.. i took half a day leave on tues and bot some fruits, meat and vegetables to cook porridge for dinner. By tuesday nite, his fever subsided but throat was still bad. on weds he went to c the doctor in the morning and was given antibiotics, still not recovering.. by wed evening he developed red spots on his hand, we suspected HFMD and alas.. it turned out to be developing.

Wednesday nite, i packed a weeks supply of clothes, my computer and other neccesities and off to my in laws place, planning to stay for a week.. by thursday when i am back to work, i felt shiverish.. i felt as if i was going to get fever.. and my throat hurts.. after half a day, i decided to go home and c a doc.. the doc gave me panadol and throat medication, saying its not cfm it is HFMD yet.. as no signs have developed except a bad throat.. so after bathing and medication, i rested and was much better.. no more aching. in the evening we went to my in laws place for dinner as well as visit shayna.. after 20 mths, this is the first time we are leaving her alone with grandparents as both of us are not in a capacity to take care of her.

we left after 9 and my body ache starts again. when i reach hm i took medication and slept through the next day.. i felt very much better and thought it could just be a sore throat and fever infecetion. just as we were about to leave for my in laws place for dinner on friday nite, i found red spots on my index and middle finger.. i went to the doctor immediately and he cfm it is HFMD. he didnt gave me medication but told me to build my immunity system so gave me vit c plus zinc, plus i am preggie, so there are some medications which i cant take.. he assured me i will be better by sunday..

but this is not the case, i got worse, more spots developed and i felt the tingling burning sensation on my hand and feet.. it was so bad that i could assert strength using my hand and i could barely walk.. saturday we spent the evening at my in laws place as my BIL has moved and MIL wanted to go to his house.. so we took care of shayna with gloves and mask.. i was so afraid i would pass it to her.. this is really no kidding.

Saturday nite, i didnt sleep well cos of the pain in both my feet and hands.. by morning, i wanted to c the the doc for any cream for relieve.. or safe medication to ease the pain.. i struggled to walk to the clinic with ah ber.. the feet was just so painful.. it was like blisters all over ur feet that when u exert pressure it is excruciating.. he gave me ointment cream, anti inflammatory medication and 3 days of MC.. expects me to be well by tuesday though.. it is really scary.. i nvr felt so much agony before.. HFMD, cant imagaine children are going through this. today i am not going over to my in laws as i could hardly walk and move my fingers.. let alone carry shayna.. gonna miss her again till next week.

ah ber is staying home to care for me.. he dont noe hw he caught the virus but his was not as bad as mine, as he could take medication.. i was preggie with a lower immunity system so the virus had a buffet. now i am hoping this HFMD will not have an adverse impact on my pregnancy which i will have to speak to my gynae when i see her on jul 31st.

please let me recover soon by tonight both hands and feet so that i will be much better and able.. and allow us to be with shayna again.. it is just sad that u cant kiss her or feel her cos we hv to wear mask and put on gloves to minimise transmission..

Shayna had her MMR + V (measles, rubella, mumps + chicken pox) vaccine on the 23rd JAn.. and she develops fever 5 days later (which is usually the case) this is the 1st live vaccine (ie the virus is a weakened live vaccine) she has taken and doc say there is a 50-60% chance that a child would develiop fever.. the fever came and went away, came and went away and it reached to as high as 38.8 deg. We brot her to the doctor on saturday evening when it went up to that high, but doc only prescribed a stronger medication and ask us to monitor. on sunday, her fever still doesnt go away and it is already the 5th day.. though the fever will only last 3-4days. we brot her to her frequent doctor at dawson on sunday afternoon to have her examine, but doctor say it is normal and so he explained.

what shayna has taken was a 3in1 so the onset of the fever could be like a roller coaster, she recovers first then the next virus attacked until the 4th one finishes.. doc say if by wed she is still unwell, we have to bring her back..

Alas, her fever subsided on tuesday and we thot she has recovered.. on wednesday, she developed rash, all over her body , arms, legs.. and it only got serious at nite.. so we went to visit the doctor again. this time round he explained, it is fake measles.. the after effect of her vaccine, give her a lotion to apply then monitor again, if she doesnt get well by 5 days, see him again.. and well the next day after the lotion, her rashes got lighter.. and we were glad..

i am on leave on thursday afternoon to do some cleaning up, clearing of wardrobe, ironing of clothes.. and on fri to acc my mum to see the doc as it was her last radiotherapy. the steriods is causing alot of side effects on my mum.. which we hope it will improve by CNY. She is all fine and i m glad that the radiotherapy is over. as of now, she is still gonna take her regular antibodies for her body and follow up w the neuro in apr and the radio oncologist in May *Pray hard that all will be well and controlled*..

So after lunch with my parents and bro, i came home, clean the toilets, clear some toiletries and while i was halfway cleaning the kitchen, my mIL called.. and told me shayna fell and she vomited.. so i asked her if its on the head, then she say yes.. it was so sudden, i let go all my stuff and started to rush to her place to see how she is.. i called ah ber on the way n he left early.. when i reached there, she was a little lethargic and after much discussion, we decided to bring her to KK for a check just in case she needs x-ray.. by the time we reach kk it is abt 6.. MIL kept apologising, but we told her it is ok.. just have to get her checked to make sure all is fine, since she vomitted once. the doctor examined her and said she looks fine, ask us to monitor her for 72 hrs.. to make sure she is well and eating.. and playing like normal..

so here i m blogging the past one hectic week.. hopefully all of us will have a great tiger yr.. cheerios..

My mum's radiotherapy has started since Monday. She was feeling ok after the 3 sessions, just felt a little weak on her legs. i told her to ask the doctor if this will be the case. however, she has been coping quite well which we are glad. hopefully the rest of the sessions will be the same and effective.

last sunday we went for lunch together at this chinese restaurant called Pavillion @ craig Road. Glad that mum likes it.

Oh, my bro is not working anymore and is currently building up his own air con servicing and repairing business. If you gals need any service or repairs, you can try out my bro's company.

Dad on the other hand, accompanies mum for her therapies for the past few days. that's the most he can do. give her mental support.

Today i heard many sad news.. and all about cancer relapse.. all of the sudden, so many ..

1) my colleague's dad who has bladder cancer has a relapse and need to undergo operation
2) a colleague of mine, who has breast cancer last year has the 3rd cancer relapse and is now in critical condition as it has now spread to her brain
3) a relapse happen in one of my colleague's team who is in the US.

Sometimes i wonder, y do these exist and become so common now.. human beings are getting very fragile these days..

I was on leave the whole week to accompany mum as well as talked and listened to the doctors for the best course of action.

Mum had 2 tumors in her back brain, one on the left the other on the right where both are about the same size 2cm. no other signs of spreads except for one on the top of her brain which doctor say is insignificant, they termed as white spot.

after the surgery, mum was tired and feel nausea untill friday, where she no longer throws up food she eats but have the urge to vomit. the shunt ( in medical term) a tube inserted in her body from her head and linked to her stomach is working and her pressure was pretty much released.

2 options surface initially : sugery or radiotherapy. After all discussions, radiotherapy is the best option as the left tumor is too near her nerve and any mistakes can cause her to have slurring of speeches and walking imbalance. After weighing the pros and cons, the doctors decided that radiotherapy is the best.

This process is known as the whole brain radiotherapy, where her brain will be given radiation ( a dose which is 70-80% a normal brain can take) to kill all her bad cells which will also kill the good. this process will reduce her exisiting tumors and eliminate those that are too small to be seen thru scans. The side effects : swelling of brain initially : as the doctor describe its like putting something to fry, it will expand at first. but this should wear away.she will experience some memory loss and concentration loss. she will start to lose hair, experience redness on her skin and nausea. in worst case scenario, blood vessels may burst which would require surgery.

She went for a CT simulation to make a mould over her face to ensure that her head doesnt move during the radiotherapy for precision. her radiotherapy will start 25th Jan for 10 sessions continuously. After which, they would expect her to feel better after 2 weeks. NO scans will be done to check if the cells are gone, or reduced. they will only do it when necessary ie when she experience nausea or headaches again.

Her main doctor, talked to me alot. Mum is suffering from a terminal illness (as she termed cos it is stage 4 breast metastasis). Her average life span, as shown in studies and the real population with breast cancer like hers would be 18-24 months. she had lived past for the 19th months before the cells struck the brain. This goes to show how aggressive her cancer cells are. the reason why the body was all controlled and went to the brain is because our brain is seperated from the body with a wall. The drugs used effectively on her body, doesnt penetrate her brain and thus the cells decided to attack. She is quite positive that the possibilty of relapse in the brain after radio therapy is very small but she wouldnt comment on the spread. Hers is a progressive illness, at some point in time, there is always a possiblity that new spots may be spotted.

I have pulled myself better throughout this week and after talking to the doctors. I guess my mum is very scared too but she is really very strong. I admire her for her strength. I told her what she will go through and what are the consequences to better prepare her. i only hope she wun feel too bad on the side effects and breeze through radiotherapy like what she has experienced for chemotherapy. She will be discharged tomorrow.

For now, her main priority is to recover from this brain tumors. The rest, we can only wait and see while in the meantime, we will try to make sure that she is happy and worryfree and if possible, as i have discussed with ah ber to bring her to places where she hadnt been to just to let her enjoy her life before any cells struck again. I also hope if she would be taken away to heaven to be in a swift, painless, peaceful and without suffering.

My mum was admitted to the hospital yesterday nite because of severe headache and vomitting. Something which we dun wish that will happen has happened..:(

Yes its a relapse and this time round is on the back of her BRAIN.. Devastating! I was in the hospital with mum throughout the afternoon after taking half a day off work. was hoping to receive good news that it has nothing to do with a relapse cos her headache subsided..

we are hit once again with the news of cancer.. it was hard to accept because it is in the brain.. somewhere that is a computer to a human body, so fragile yet so impt.. y do my mum have to suffer her life.. y couldn't the cancer cells just stay quiet in her body.. YYYYY???? Everything happen so fast.. e back of her brain was swelling and it has a very high water level content. this needs to be immediately drained out. A surgery is scheduled which should be abt time now, to insert a shunt in her brain linked to her stomach to drain the water to make sure that it does not add any pressure to the brain. After which, a scan will be done to determine how big and where the tumor is.. and decide on the next best course of action

My mum is only 53 this year.. why would heaven make her suffer or may take her away? this is gonna be a tougher battle, something which we hope things will turn out good and that she will be fine and leave till ripe old age..

The thing i can't accept is that it is in the brain.. this is the part of the body that is the most tricky and most fragile part.. any thing done to it, could damage its neuro and the risk involve would be defintely higher.

I am very sad..

Working in december flies so quickly with the long weekends for the last 2 weeks.

Christmas eve was dinner at fabian's plc with turkey, honey baked ham and wine.. keke.. it all ended well and thanks to fabian's generosity, ah ber and i got a prada wallet each and shayna 2 gap dresses.. anyway, we were surprised with his extravagant christmas pressie.. but knowing that he is not lack of anything we didn't wanna buy things he doesnt like.. so in the end we bot him bedsheets from robinsons cos he wanted them and he doesn't have a robinsons card so we signed it for the discount and bot him 2 sets of bedsheets worth 600 bucks.. :) we are happy to buy something he really liked though he wanted to pay us..

christmas was spent at a fine dining chinese restaurant at craig road.. named pavillion. food was good and we went to vivo city only to be met with huge crowd.. walked aimlessly for a while and we decided to head home..

attended a 1st month party at depot road on sunday and spent the rest of the day relaxing.. :)

took 2 days of leave on mon and tues. wanted to do my pedicure but there were no available time slots.. so ended up staying at home to clean the toilets and wash the clothes in the morning before heading out for lunch with ah ber and his colleagues at L' Angelius at club street.. food was delicious but desserts need to be improved..

today, we went to visit ah ber's grandma and managed to catch some 2 person's time as shayna fell asleep and my MIL asked us to go for lunch.. so we went to holland village and window shopped at the shopping center before heading to sushi tei for lunch.. had a sumptious meal and is too full for dinner now.. :)

it's long weekend again.. and saturday is a packed morning for me as window grilles will be installed coupled with some delivery to handle.. bye bye the grilless view.. :( hopefully it will turned out ok with the grilles.. sigh..

The day started off perfect.. woke up abt 545, both ah ber and i have brands of essence, and we got ready first before waking shayna up abt 630. She had her milk, and i changed her.. but before we left, she pooed.. haha.. so we gotta get her pampers changed before we head down where my FIL is waiting. we had one big luggage, a pram, a back pack and a hand carry.. off we go to the airport and we reached abt 8.

Met up with shayna's godpa n fabian.. *surprise* we were waiting for check in and i realise we are on the biz class.. ah ber and i were utterly shocked.. the booking of this trip was done by fabian and we didn't know abt it until we reach there, though we agreed he pays for the airfare and we pay for the lodging. So off we went to the business class lounge and had a bite before boarding the A380..

Shayna fell asleep at take off and all was well.. she woke up abt an hr later and we fed her with food.. soon, we reach hongkong.. on touch down she got a little impatient but all in all it was a good flight. we headed straight to e svc apartment @ kowloon ( actually wanted to stay @ langham place but it was overbooked) By the name of Harbour view place we felt it might be quite an old place.. but to our surprise, it was a very clean, new and wonderful lodging.. our room was at the 67th floor and its a one bed room suite.. view from there was scenic.

The rest of the days were filled with food, shopping and dinners with HK friends.. one of the best thing is that we met up with ah bers gugu who has always been in HK. shopping was kinda difficult but we still manage to get some things - An agnes b tote bag for me, passport holder (christmas pressie fr ah ber) and i got ah ber a agnes b carrier bag ( good for his work and studies) oh ya - ah ber is starting his degree next yr feb @ MDIS. i bot 6 pairs of shoes fr Fa Yuen St @ S$80 .. haha this was a last min buy as we went there only on the last day morning. we bot 3 pairs of shoes for shayna and some clothes. Dim sum was good, porridge was delicious.

We met Xuan Xuan filming on one of the days and caught her on camera and even took photos with her.. lucky shayna on her maiden trip.. haha.. she was a little cranky on the 3rd day, prob due to the lack of sleep so we spend quite some time in the room so that she can catch better slp (too light a sleeper so any noise she wakes up easily) but luckily our apt is linked to a huge shopping mall.. so at least we still get to walk around.

Disneyland wasn't that great as it was very packed - have to q to sit the rides so we were rather turned off..so we stayed there for abt 5 hrs and left le.. didn't really do much there only viewed the parade, took the carousel ride and bot some goodies.

I would rate this trip a challenging one as it was an experience bringing the little one together overseas.. not that easy but thank god that we have company and they helped out alot.. ah ber was saying tt without bringing shayna the trip would hv been better but he said at least she is still with us and not alone in sg.. so i told him, we have to give and take .. with a little one in our life - focus has changed unless we really she de to put her in sg alone ( i guess we wouldn't want to do that ) in any case, we will still bring her overseas if we are going anywhere else.. at least this time, we will be more farmiliar with what to do and what to bring and also what to expect.. :)

I am back at work for a week and yeah its a 4 day week for me till we go HK on the 4th.. i think i am getting so used to my break from work that i have to remind myself i am still working. haha..

Shayna was bruised on her left cheek while under the care of my Bro in law.. she knocked herselve on the side of the cupboard of the altar at my in laws plc and suffered a strip of blue black.. haiz..

anyway, time really flies and it is year end, looking forward for my trip with ah ber, shayna, her godpa and his bro (who is ah ber's boss). they know HK inside out.. haha so we hope it will be a good experience with them.. The weather in HK is so erratic.. bot a sweater, long john, jeans and some long sleeves for shayna, hope that will be sufficient given avgly its abt 13 degrees estimated.. Aunt Ros (who is godpa's sis) bot her a Buff(cap), some gloves, vitamins and ear plugs..

I guess bringing shayna overseas is a really big project, cos of the logistics and stuff to bring.. we even bot a compact steriliser so that we can sterilise her bottles, a luggage bag, bringing the whole tin of milk, pillows, many clothes, towels, pram and we even rented a baby carrier cos thinking of the way HK is structured, a pram might not always be convenient.

i will be back on the 8th dec after which, i will be able to meet up for juan's bday and xmas exchange. i would think 11th or 12th would be good if all of u are available.

My parents tog with my niece had a great time in Beijing n shanghai, they will be back tomorrow morning. i guess they liked e trip and is glad that they enjoyed..